Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!
Did Cum-fidential Ignoramus Carl Albert Take Down Parkin, Arkansas?
By Khalil Amani
If you know anything about the writing process, you've gotta be astounded at my clap-back! I'm a beast with my pen! You think the Arkansas YouTuber might wanna leave a nigga like Khalil Amani alone? We'll see!
And the beat goes on—and the beat goes on! This guy, the Arkansas YouTuber must be preparing to finally show us his “mean pen-game” with his latest piece of YouTube fuckery entitled, “Did Confidential Informant Takes [sic] Down DJ Kay Slay & Straight Stuntin Magazine?” (*[SIC] used in brackets after a copied or quoted word that appears odd or erroneous to show that the word is quoted exactly as it stands in the original.” In other words, the Arkansas YouTuber, as usual, fucked up his title using, “Takes” instead of “take” and I wrote it exactly how he wrote it.)
I ask about the Arkansas YouTuber’s “mean pen-game” because it will take a beautiful amount of mental & imaginary gymnastics to concoct a stupid-ass video addressing DJ Kay Slay’s magazine. And so, based on his title, I came up with my own wildly stupid title, “Did Cum-fidential Ignoramus Carl Albert Take Down Parkin, Arkansas?” I’m a creative writer, so let me show you my very vivid imagination.
If my mother died and willed me a house in a God-forsaken place like Parkin, Arkansas, I would’ve sold her house and took the money and moved to Memphis or Chicago—where liveliness, good food & entertainment, fashion, opportunity, money and women exists! Parkin, Arkansas is where “old folks” live—where “old folks” retire—where “old folks” who ain’t never been to the big city reside—where “old folks” who don’t have cable TV live—where niggas my age should settle down, but Carl Albert aka Israel Doctrine aka the Arkansas YouTube chooses to live in this hellhole.
Wanting to be a leader of something, Carl Albert decided he’d run for mayor of Parkin, Arkansas a few years ago. Could he possibly become the mayor of his deceased mama’s hometown? Oh, how happy she would be, knowing that her son had transcended his bum-ass-ness! Oh, how super-elated she would be, that her son, who could not read or write—the son who was a little “touched”—the recalcitrant & prodigal son who hadn’t amounted to shit while mommy-dearest was alive, had finally found something to do with his bum-ass life—run for mayor of Parkin, Arkansas! Even though Parkin is part of the “South”—this little town is only 1% white and a staggering 88% black. Mrs. Davis could rest in her grave, knowing that her bald-headed, receding hairline, chubby & hunchback son, little Carl, could finally make something of himself—become Mayor Carl Albert Davis—becoming mayor, in spite of never having finished middle-school, high school and never having stepped foot in the halls of higher academia—college! How delusional and out-of-touch Carl Albert is to think that a mayor should have no formal education or higher education. How delusional Carl Albert is to think that a fifth grade dropout can be mayor of Parkin, Arkansas. Carl Albert was gonna defy logic and the normal path to public service. In his mind, it was all in his famous name—Carl Albert.
After all, his mother had named him after the great white politician from Oklahoma—Carl Bert Albert (a politician from 1947 to 1977). For Carl’s mother naming him after the highly educated and well-respected white politician was her way of hoping that her son, little black misshapen hairline Carl—would live a life of greatness—perhaps going to college like the white politician and making her a proud mother—but instead, she died in Carl’s arms, going to soar with the eagles, knowing that this child, Carl Albert Davis was the child she should’ve aborted. He wasn’t shit! Hadn’t done shit! And wasn’t going to do shit with his life! So, out of love, she left her son a house to keep the elements from consuming him. Now that’s love.
Yes! Carl Albert Davis sought to become Parkin’s mayor! (Really doe!) With 88% of Parkin being Colored folks, all Carl Albert had to do was go door to door and make himself and his platform of governing known. Parkin is so small—having only 1,017 citizens, according to the 2017 census that he could’ve knocked on every person’s door in one day. How easy it would be to get enough votes to become the mayor of Parkin, Arkansas? How could he lose? He was a shoe-in—for his family and friends were all from Parkin! His mama had a house in Parkin!
And then—he lost! LOL!
How hard is it that you can’t even become the mayor of a town with only 1,017 people? You’ve gotta be one fucked-up individual if you can’t convince a predominately black town (again, 88% of 1,017 people are Colored folk! Damn!) to vote for you, you ain’t shit! Niggas in Parkin looked at Carl Albert and probably thought, “You mean Miss Davis’s baby boy—that lil snotty-nosed, jughead boy Carl trying to become Mayor? Ain’t that boy retarded or something? You know that nigga can’t read or write! How he gonna govern us? Hell no! That nigga won’t even work a job! He’s on YouTube from sun up to sun down, tallumbout that’s his ‘job’! Oh, hell no!”
And thus, after losing by a landslide in his mayoral race bid, this hunchback-looking, jughead man-child decided to dabble in religion and change his image and became YouTube’s “Israel Doctrine”—where he daily scoured the Internet until he stumbled upon Afrika Bambaataa’s child molestation story and its leading accuser, Hassan Campbell. But prior to that, Carl spent tireless days & night in Parkin—bringing down the property value by taking shits outside people’s windows and stealing empty Coca Cola bottles off people’s front porches for money to buy a quarter water and bag of potato chips and kicking the neighbor’s dog just for the hell of it. Carl could be seen, getting his "R. Kelly" on by hanging around the local high school, "eye-fucking" teenage girls, and thus, to this day, has an aversion to relationships with grown, mature women. If he can't have one of those pretty little, perky tittie teenage girls with heart-shaped asses, he'd rather feign like he ain't looking for a relationship and that sex is no big deal. And then go home and fire up his "cum-puter" and blast off a load over child porn. (See nigga? This is how you write some contrived shit! You wanna put DJ Kay Slay in some shit? Well I'm-a show you how to push the envelope!)
Carl Albert had a history in childhood of destruction—and everyone knew it and never forgot about his tyrannical boyhood days in Parkin, Arkansas, shooting pets & kids in the butt with his Red Ryder BB Gun. Nobody was voting for the kid who had dropped out of school in the fifth grade! No one was voting for the man who had terrorized the town of Parkin in his youth! Nobody was voting for this loner, introvert and hermit who had taken up residence in his deceased mother’s house where the blinds stayed closed and the lawn, unkept—and where the smell of dog shit left a stench emanating & reeking from his house, so foul that not even the neighborhood coyotes dared come on his property! Ouuuuh!
Most would-be politicians have wives or husbands, but here was Carl Albert—trying to become mayor—a single man in a town where there were only 79.1 males for every 100 females. Carl was such a dirty, unkept, UN-metro-sexual, nappy beard-wearing ogre (monster), that no woman dared date, fuck or marry him. Carl was the “Cum-fidential Ignoramus” who sought to take down Parkin, Arkansas, but the people saw better. The townspeople of Parkin knew that Carl was a dead-beat citizen who had amounted to nothing in his forty years on this earth. Most felt sorry for him, even trying to offer him employment. One YouTube commenter from Parkin even came over to Khalil Amani’s YouTube page and gave us some insight on Carl Albert’s aka the Arkansas YouTuber’s laziness and slothfulness and not wanting any gainful employment, writing:
And so, we have arrived at the Arkansas YouTuber’s latest piece of fuckery aimed at Khalil Amani, “Did Confidential Informant Takes [sic] Down DJ Kay Slay & Straight Stuntin Magazine?” The nigga puts forth a simpleton supposition without an answer. He can never answer such a question, because he is ill-equipped, out-of-the-loop and unconnected to anyone in the hip-hop industry that can shed light on DJ Kay Slay, Straight Stuntin Magazine or anything in this hip-hop industry. So, what we have here is nothing more than “Click Bait” commentary; a feeble attempt at some get-back after that last scourging vlog that I put on his ass! DJ Kay Slay—the superstar dee jay that he is, will never address the Arkansas YouTuber, simply because DJ Kay Slay doesn’t fuck around in these YouTube streets. He’s a fucking multimillionaire for crying out loud! The Arkansas YouTuber and Hassan Campbell have tried to make a big deal about my connection to DJ Kay Slay, as a writer for his magazine, Straight Stuntin Magazine, because, as a civilian, I was a government informant once upon a time (and maybe still?) who testified against cult leader, Yahweh Ben Yahweh—a murderous and pedophile cult leader. And what?
So since the Arkansas YouTuber has no answer for his own question, let me educate this fuck-nigga. DJ Kay Slay’s magazine, Straight Stuntin Magazine had about a twelve year run as a hardcopy, print magazine, being distributed from the east coast to the west coast—from New York to Miami to Los Angeles—in most major cities. Straight Stuntin Magazine is also in many penal institutions (prisons), which have made Khalil Amani a folk hero of sorts, based on the letters he receives from prisoners. How ironic is that? The former government informant is read and loved and influential in prison. How ironic is that? The Arkansas YouTuber has never seen a physical copy of Straight Stuntin Magazine (living in Parkin)—with over 300 pages of beautiful, bodacious and bootylicious scantily-clad women with hip-hop related articles from several writers between its pages, including Khalil Amani. You can’t buy Straight Stuntin Magazine in Parkin, Arkansas—another reason not to live in that hellhole. For ten of those twelve years, Khalil Amani was a writer for DJ Kay Slay’s magazine, which afforded him the pleasure and opportunity of schmoozing and being around the industry’s best and brightest hip-hop stars. Here’s sampling of some of your favorite rap stars this former C.I. (Confidential Informant nestled up to).
Straight Stuntin Magazine did not fold after twelve years. Khalil Amani did not “take down DJ Kay Slay & Straight Stuntin magazine,” as this fuck-nigga, the Arkansas YouTuber, in a click-bait video asks. Boy O boy! Living in Parkin really keeps a nigga out-of-the-loop—I guess—even if you have access to the Internet. Perhaps Parkin, Arkansas’s Internet is like Internet in Third World countries—you now, limited Internet—no porn access—shit like that. Because, all one has to do is Google Straight Stuntin Magazine and DJ Kay Slay and catch up on what’s happening. Straight Stuntin Magazine is still going strong. The magazine has been converted from print to digital—that’s all! Duh! As for DJ Kay Slay? He’s still doing his New York City Hot 97 Friday night show (The Drama Hour between 12-2 a.m.) and his Sirius Satellite XM radio show (Streetsweeper) every Wednesday night, where he interviews urban models, upcoming rappers and famous rappers.
But let me guess! Just like the Arkansas YouTuber has no cable TV, neither does he have a car with XM radio. Hell! This 42 year old child doesn’t even have a car! Or a Driver’s License! If he had XM radio, he’d know that all’s well with DJ Kay Slay—even after having had a former government informant on his magazine payroll. Khalil Amani’s life is no slight on DJ Kay Slay’s life—or his street cred. Niggas act like being a former government informant on some civilian shit—I said, civilian shit, not street shit—disqualifies one from being around hip-hop personalities—like that shit makes them a government informant as well—like I’m supposed to be a hip-hop pariah (outcast) for some civilian shit that happened 35 years ago! Fuck outta here! Nothing about Khalil Amani says that I hid my past life as a government informant. I know lots of government informants that would die if their past lives were found out. I’m just not one of them. I’m actually proud of the work I did for the FBI many moons ago—and so—a book by a Pulitzer Prize winning author and my own book detail all of my government involvement
To show you how ass-backwards—and stupid—and far-reaching that the Arkansas YouTuber is—this fuck-nigga says that I was indeed “hiding” my government ties, reasoning that though I may have written a book about it, the right audience didn’t see it. What? He reasoned and bought into that stereotypical racist belief that black people don’t read books (Yeah! He actually said that!)—you know—“Wanna hide something from a nigga? Put it in a book!” Writing a book about being a government informant wasn’t “outing” myself, because niggas don’t read books! SMH. WOW! Well, what about all those TV appearances—1988, 2010, 2013, 2018, and 2019? I guess niggas don’t watch TV either. Oh, that’s right. I forgot. Only “old folks” watch cable TV. Well what about that hip-hop blog I wrote in 2015, entitled, "Notes From an Ex-Hebrew Israelite on Homosexuality & Kemitic Thought," which was even published over at Allhiphop.com (“The World’s Most Dangerous Site”) where I write about being in the Yahweh cult, the Witness Protection Program and being a government informant?
All this "outing" was done all over these Internets! I even wrote a blog entitled, "Confessions of a (Hip-Hop) ex-Informant!" five years ago!
And so, as it turns out, the Arkansas YouTuber’s video, “Did Confidential Informant Takes [sic] Down DJ Kay Slay & Straight Stuntin Magazine?” is nothing more than some stupidly contrived click-bait—much ado about nothing. My vlogs are doing so much damage to the Arkansas YouTuber that he wakes up in the middle of the night, scheming on what he can say next. Try harder or wave the white flag nigga! You’ve been thrashed, yet, again. Douph!