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Fox News: “Jesus Was a White Man Too?”

Fox News: "Jesus Was a White Man Too?"

By Khalil Amani

 

"Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the housenot a creature was stirring"—just a chick on FOX News—running her damned mouth. I swear I wasn’t listening—just noise to fill the void—and then she said something that made me very annoyed.

 

In discussing whether Santa should be represented as “other than white,” with the surety of a historian, an archaeologist, and a DNA geneticist, this Fox News chick compared Santa Claus to Jesus by bellowing out, “Jesus was a white man too…”

 

 

Straightway, Fox News killed any sex boudoir-action I might’ve had up my sleeve, ‘cause when a nigga heard this, I sat straight up in bed and said, “Oh no she didn’t just go there!” Poor wifey just rolled over and went to sleep because she knew Fox had started some shit and indeed, they had!

 

I mean, it wasn’t like I hadn’t dealt with the whole white Jesus thingy! I’d just finished going upside Kanye West’s head in another blog ("Kanye’s Jesus Is White Though!" on The Khalil Amani Reader: ) that the good folks over at Allhiphop.com decided against publishing (I know Kanye has a lot of people “shook,” but God forbid!—not the “World’s Most Dangerous Site!”)—and here we go again! First, Kanye’s white Jesus and now Fox News boldly proclaiming Jesus’ whiteness!

 

But let’s talk about this Santa Claus for a minute.

 

I’m not one of these hardened truth-sayers who believe in killing the make-believe and fantasy world of little boys and girls around the world! So what if Santa’s not real! Children aren’t looking for the truth! They are looking at the world through rose-colored lenses and believe in the goodness of humanity. In their small world-view, it is totally plausible and conceivable that one man and his reindeer could supply every child with a toy in one night! Is this anymore absurd than a man walking on water or a serpent that speaks? Dare I say that mythology doesn’t start and end in childhood? In the (black) world that I grew up in, I’d rather believe in a white guy who brings me presents once a year than be the child of a “Jehopeless Witness” family—peering through the window on Christmas morning at the joyful faces of the kids next door stuntin' on new Big Wheels! You can keep your truth! Gimme that damned toy!

 

FOX News stated that Santa was a real historical personage and indeed they are correct! The mythology behind Santa Claus can be traced back to St. Nicholas, Bishop of Myra (320 C.E.). Santa Claus aka Father Christmas aka Kris Kringle aka Sinterklass was a real dude! A real bad white dude at that! Have you read the history of St. Nicholas? Did you know that Santa played a great role in the understanding of Jesus’ divinity? Yeah, it was at the famed (or infamous) Council of Nicaea (or Nice) in 325 C.E. that Nicholas showed his ass. There they all were; all of the big-wigs of Christianity—called by Emperor Constantine to debate and finalize the divinity of Jesus. Constantine gave no fucks about solving the mystery of Jesus. To hear Constantine tell it; “I find their cause to be of a truly insignificant nature, quite unworthy of such bitter contention. Restore my quiet days and untroubled nights to me, so that joy of undimmed light my once again be mine.”

 

It was at this meeting that Santa Claus helped determine the nature of Jesus. Did the man have a beginning or did Jesus always exist? (Arian & Alexandrian views) After much debate and fussing, ol’ Saint Nick did the unthinkable! Walked up to Arius and slapped the dog-shit out of him! Worldstarred poor Arius! Laid the strong pimp-hand down on him! I’m talking about your white Santa Claus! So Fox News, we give you that! You can have Santa and his propensity for violence and his “Black Petes” (slave elves) and alla dat! But this Jesus fellow you’re claiming as white...

 

So this ignant lilywhite Fox News personality looks the American people in the face and says, “Jesus was a white man too.” This should be no shock coming from a Right-wing, pseudo-conservative think-tank that has slapped black folk with venomous reporting through the years, but it was!

 

I refuse to rehash this subject in great detail. It is quite unworthy of my time! I’m gonna say just enough about the white Jesus to show the Kanyes of the world that they are sleeping with the enemy—bedfellows of white religious false notions of truth. Niggas are comfortable bringing a white Jesus on stage and telling us in the media that Jesus was white. Now listen up!

 

Jesus the Semite (or Shemite) was not white! The basic proof is in the Bible and the dictionary/encyclopedia. A description of God and Jesus are written in the Bible. God (called the “Ancient of Days”) has hair like “pure wool.” Jesus had “feet like fine brass [brown] that burned in a Furnace” and hair like “wool” (Daniel 7:9, Revelations 1:13-15).

 

Operative word? WOOL!

 

And just what does all of the dictionaries and encyclopedias have to say about “woolly headed” people? How about Webster’s Third New International Dictionary, which defines black people as, “A member of the black race… marked typically by dark pigmentation and WOOLLY HAIR” (p. 1514).

 

WOOLLY HEADED like God & Jesus!

 

How about the Dictionary of the English Language, which defines Negro as “…A member of the peoples traditionally classified as the Negro race… generally marked by brown to black skin, dark eyes, and WOOLLY or crisp hair” (Flexner et., p. 1286).

 

WOOLLY HEADED like God & Jesus!

 

But wait! There’s more! The Encyclopedia Americana defines “Negroid” as “Indigenous to Africa. Physical traits: light brown to black skin, dark brown to black hair, the form is wavy, to curly, to frizzly, to WOOLLY” (Lorimer et. al., p. 78).

 

We all know (most) black people have woolly hair! This is our defining characteristic! And then the Bible, the dictionary and the encyclopedia all speak of woolly headed people—black people!

 

This is the most simplistic truth! A simple truth, yet, in the face of what white folks have written, they can still look black folk in the face and tell black people that Jesus does not look like them! And then, and then, hip-hop, which has feigned progressive will still find a handkerchief-head, boot-lickin’, step-n-fetchit, skinnin’ & grinnin’, coonin’ & buck dancin’, uncle-Tom Negro, pseudo-revolutionary of the Kanye West ilk to continue the historical gymnastics of a Euro-Jesus in the Middle-East!

 

Fox News! You can have your white Santa Claus! You can have your Caucasoid, maladapted fat man who suffers from extremes of “psychosexual ambivalence and frustration and aggression” (according to Michael Bradley) from being in all that damn cold weather—but you can’t have the black Jesus! Stop contradicting your own books!

Khalil Amani is a blogger for AllHipHop. He also writes for DJ Kay Slay’s Originators Magazine & Straight Stuntin Magazine. Amani also writes for Hoodgrown, Maybach and Sext Magazines. He is the author of six books, including the ground-breaking book, “Hip-Hop Homophobes…” iuniverse.com 07). Amani is gay hip-hop’s self-proclaimed straight advocate. Visit The Coonerific One at http://www.khalilamani.ning.com Follow on Facebook/Twitter @khalilamani. Youtube @ yahweh 12 Khalilamani@yahoo.com

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