The Khalil Amani Reader

Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!

A Black President! The Influence of Parents… Or the Lack Thereof.

Now we have a black President! It probably doesn’t mean much to you because “Black Pride” is something you never talked about to your children. You hated afros and cornrows and anything that could be perceived as “militant.” In actuality, “militant,” in America means being conscious of the racism towards black people and wanting to do something to change it! You speak of “militant” as something undesirable—something violently inappropriate!


Martin Luther King Jr. was “militant!” His “militancy” came from Mahatma Gandhi, who called it “spiritual non-violence” or “satyagraha,” which is a “spiritual soul force.” Check your history!
Every race of people needs to see people who look like them doing great things in history! Only a self-hating race-hater would argue otherwise. It is human nature to want heroes, which reflect the physical characteristics of themselves! This is why BLACK PEOPLE are overjoyed—elated and joyous that Obama is our President! 150 years up from physical slavery and the son of former slaves is the most powerful man in the free world!


I wonder what you would have said if I came to you as a young boy and said, “Daddy, I want to be the first black President!” I can hear you now! “Lloyd, there has never been a black President! You’re not six foot, blond and blue-eyed! Learn a trade! Learn how to use your hands! Join the military!” Remember saying these things to me? Remember crushing your son’s dreams of being an actor with these words that still ring in my ears thirty-years later?


I’m glad that you’re alive to see how fucked-up your advice to me has played out in history! You were a dream killer! And that’s exactly what you were attempting to do with my son after he played his saxophone. But I wasn’t having it! Like old times, you thought it was your “job” to lecture him with your “wisdom.” You haven’t a clue what’s on your grandson’s mind and you don’t care! Just like you didn’t care what was on your own children’s minds. It was more important to lecture then to listen to what’s on the minds and hearts of your children—and then lecture and expound wisdom. This is the sign of a true teacher of knowledge and wisdom—the ability to LISTEN and then speak!


It’s just sad that you don’t believe in the greatness of the seeds which sprang from your loins (with the exception of your underachieving eldest son Lee!) You still like to recount those old tired stories of how bright Junior was as a child. Medically speaking, the first child is usually the smartest out of the gate. (Studies have verified this) But that doesn’t mean that the younger children remain his intellectual inferiors. This is where you have life fucked up! Junior was a rocket that exploded before he reached the moon.


I, on the other hand, have surpassed the moon and am headed towards the sun. If you were sophisticated enough to use the Internet, you’d know this! If you could just “Google” Khalil Amani, you’d read just how far your son has grown and how much he’s contributed to society through the written word. But I’m sure your computer is just for show. I’m sure you’re “computer illiterate” as is the case for many old folks, who stop trying to learn new things and keep up with modern technology.


Your son (me!), the man whom you said you were ashamed of his books, was just featured in the SECOND LARGEST NEWSPAPER IN THE COUNTRY! (The Los Angeles Times) White folks who don’t know me from Adam have validated me! So what the fuck is wrong with my supposed father? And then you write to ask me to apologize? Do you know how HURTFUL it was when you told me to my face that you were “ashamed” of my books? There are no words to describe the pain! That was just some more of the cruelty which you are known for! Straight ignorance!


But you know what Lee? I know that what I write is good! I know what I write touches people! I know what I write will be here long after I’m gone! That will be my legacy! My children, grandchildren, great grandchildren will be able to delve into the mind of their grandfather (me!) through my books, which are housed in the Library of Congress in Washington, DC for all time! My great grandchildren will be able to go on the Internet and read the many, many interviews that I shall have given when all is said and done!


They may or may not agree with what I stood for and wrote about, but they will RESPECT the fact that I was a “freethinker!” They will respect the fact that I was a visionary (for gay rights, women’s rights, black folk’s rights and religious freedoms). They will respect the fact that I was a revolutionary! They will respect the fact that I touched the hearts of men and women! And they will respect the fact that I had the intelligence to argue, debate, and pontificate my ideas—that I cogently and intelligently constructed my literary works based on sound research.


As I’ve tried to explain to you—it’s not what I write about that is really important—it’s that fact that my mind was able to put pen on paper, page after page after page and come up with enough material to formulate a book—six times and counting! The fact that a company would believe in your son’s work, so much so, that they want to PUBLISH my thoughts! That’s what should be IMPORTANT to a parent!


Fuck the content! And that’s where you are wrong! How dare you hide your son’s books from prying eyes that might want to read them! How fucking dare you! I bet if Junior would have written the same books, you would’ve been more “open-minded” and I don’t believe for a minute that you would be so disrespectful to his artistic endeavors!


This is why we don’t have a relationship! Fuck all the other stuff! It ain’t about me telling Larry that you called him a “drug addict” (which he wasn’t!) It ain’t about how much of a non-father you were in raising us and showing interest in your children. It ain’t about how you used to beat my mother! These are things that I can forgive you for if you truly understand that you were indeed wrong. But telling me about your “embarrassment” for my books was the coup de grace, the death blow, the straw-that-broke-the-camel’s back, the final middle-finger to your child!


The only person that you can disrespect like that is your wife! I’m 48 years old! I’m through seeking your approval, acceptance and validation! What the fuck was I thinking?


I have the approvals of Professor Morris Johnson PhD, Dr. Emmitt Price PhD and the Los Angeles Times! Why would I need your approval? I thought because you are/were my father, but evidently it means more to you to hide my work from your friends than to say, “Well done, my good and faithful son!” And what kind of fucking “friends” do you have that would judge you through your son’s works? You, evidently, think that they all think like you—and that might be the case, because real freethinkers and opinionated and educated people would take issue to a lot of your archaic ideas about family, love, friendship and women.


How old are you? 76ish… and still going to jail for domestic violence/wife-threatening/beating shit? You still have anger-management issues? I can say with my hand on the Bible that at 48 years old, I’ve NEVER HIT A WOMAN!


You’re going to church, but you still threaten your wife with bodily harm? Some kind of fucking Christian you are! And if I know you, you’re blaming your wife for going to jail! Typical! Denial! Lost!


Let me give you your last ultimatum! (For any kind of a relationship with me)

1. Apologize for the life you’ve lead.
2. Apologize for the mistreatment of your children.
3. Confess your physically abusive ways.
4. Apologize to me for your book comments
5. Put my books on your shelf.


I already know you’re not going to do any of these things, so have a nice life and know and understand fully what keeps us from having a relationship—your stubbornness to be a real father and make amends to the child you have sorely offended and disrespected!

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