Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!
Bulletz Gotti: When Gramps Gives No F*&ks About Your Privacy!
By Khalil Amani
Yo! Bulletz Gotti! You can thank Keesha Kingston for this! LOL! (And if you fuck with her, you will see the further wrath of my whet pen!)
Every old-head and they mama don’ tried to school this kid on these YouTube streets—from DyseTV—to Sa Neter—to Humble King—to Hassan Campbell—to Kosmos Konnected—to Pookie X, and myself, as well! We all sorta-kinda like the little fellow in our own way, but can clearly see that he’s going down a dangerous path that will ultimately be his undoing. But you know what? Fuck it! If he gives no fucks about old-head advice, then fuck him! I hope he gets all the smoke he’s looking for! When Popperazzi Po and Casanova2x and King Earner and GullyTv and the rest of them lil Brooklyn niggas catch his ass slipping—it won’t be pretty!
Who am I tallumbout? I’m talking about Bulletz Gotti aka Bullet-Head aka Bulletz Thotti aka Dirty Nails aka Crusty Lips aka Ittog Ztellub (Bulletz Gotti spelled backwards ala Kosmos Konnected).
BULLETZ GOTTI aka DIRTY FINGERNAILS
Why, why why does this little Negro continue to catch “L’s” with a straight face? First, it was aligning himself with a loser like Hassan “Papi” Campbell—and then getting exposed with a video showing himself getting his pockets ran—getting robbed by some very UN-gangsterish Puerto Rican kids—and then coming on camera with dirty nails and crusty lips—and now this! Got his grandmammy barging in his room, while doing a video with some so-called gangster who just got out of prison.
Thanks to YouTuber, Humble King, who was able to snatch the video before Bullet-Head could take it down, we got it! Let’s have a look-see at the video in question and then we’ll get back to roasting this nigglet! Pay attention people! This shit is funny!
Now that was some hilarious shit—seeing Madea (his grandmama)—(or some old ugly-ass wind-bag—a real “Two-Bagger!” One bag over her face during sex and another bag over my face—in case her bag breaks!) Here she comes—opening his bedroom door and interrupting his YouTube video—and he—trying to navigate betwixt listening to the guy on the phone he’s interviewing and listening to his grandmama. Did you see the little boy spewed all across his face when his grandmama came in the room? That nigga was caught between chaos, confusion and calamity—trying—and hoping that his Boost-Mobile camera phone wasn’t filming his mama! That nigga went from tallumbout, “Ya know what I’m sayin’?"—to, “Yes grandmother, I’m almost finished.” That nigga went from gangster to Gerber baby—from goon to geek—from “keeping it real” to “really” trying to keep his door closed! LOL!
I'm wrong as fuck for this! (But fuck it!) I'll do seven "Hail Marys" if I ever go to a Catholic confession. Look at the expression on his grandmama's face tho! She got that, "Boy if you don't get yo' ass off the phone and take this trash out I'm-a get that extension cord on yo' ass look!"
This guy is so devoid of what real gangsterism looks like and how real gangsters move that he actually sees nothing wrong with posting a video where his grandmammy just bulrushes & bum-rushes his bedroom like she ain’t got no goddamned sense or respect for Bullet-Head’s gangsterism or his YouTubing—or his personal space!
No wonder Bulletz Gotti recently beat his grandmother up on "Live" YouTube! Pushed the bitch and alla dat! What kinda grandson... what kinda human... "Wakanda" man pushes an old lady?
But hold the fuck up and stop the presses! The fuck is this gangster—Bulletz Gotti doing still living at home? Real gangsters don’t live at home with they grandmamas!
We all know what this is! It’s the classic, "Black Home Rules"—you know—the, “This is my house”—the, “Don’t be closing no doors in my house”—the, “If you ain’t paying no rent, you don’t have no privacy” rules of living at home as a broke-ass grownup. Bulletz Gotti is a broke-ass grownup! Still living at home with grandmama, while trying to get his YouTube weight up by dissing not-so-famous people whom he will never see in these streets—simply because he’s a nobody. Nigga be at Home Depot doing a video tallumbout, "I'm outside!" Nigga escorts his grandmother to a church convention in another city and be tallumbout, "I travels!"
Can you just imagine Bullet-Head laying across his bed jerking off to some Tranny porn at Pornhub and his grandmama—without knocking—barges into his room and catches him in mid-stroke? Talk about shrinkage! Talk about fucking up a nut!
No would-be gangster would ever post a video with his grandmama interrupting him supposedly interviewing a nigga fresh out da pokey (prison). And you know grandmommy-dearest didn’t give a fuck about interrupting him! She had to hear at least two male voices—her grandson’s and someone on the phone’s voice—but what does she do? Opens the door and commences to telling Bullet-Head to take out the garbage and go feed the dogs (or whatever she was saying! I think she said, “Who dat on da phone?”)
This nigga Bullet-Head got chores and gets a weekly allowance, thus we now know why he’s always dressed in last year’s hoodies from Burlington Coat Factory that have been marked down from $100 to $9.95. (Hey! I shop there too sometimes, because they do beez having some great mark-downs on clothes!)
For me—when I hear him calling my name—I just smile, and think, "Bless his heart!," because I can’t take him serious. Every time he addresses me with some, “I want all the smoke”—I think about him sitting in the corner of his bedroom smoking Black & Milds and praying that his grandmama doesn’t catch him smoking, because he doesn’t really wanna fight a 60 year old man (me!). All I can think about is Bulletz Gotti copping pleas and begging those little Mexican (or were they Puerto Rican?) kids not to run his pockets and beat him up. I just wanna put that little nigglet in a headlock and give him a nuggie, an Indian Burn, a wedgie and one good old-fashioned slap on the back of his head. That’s all.
Bulletz Gotti is no gangster. He is a 27 year old kid still living in his grandmama’s house who feigns living the gangster lifestyle vicariously—through listening to the gangster exploits of people like Hassan and other New York legends.
Who is Bulletz Gotti and where did he come from? Well, let me tell ya! I did a little homework on this bullet-head dude and found out through someone he went to high school with—a young man named Montel (Does that ring a bell Bullet-Head?)—who, by the way—doesn’t live at home with his grandmama & granddaddy, but has a job, a car and his own crib where he can run females in and out like Grand Central Station and not have to worry about his grandmama busting in his room and catching him with his dick in his hand! Yeah, I heard all about your high school days at P.S. 242 on 120 Street in Manhattan! You was a stupid kid—excuse me—I meant, you were an “intellectually challenged” student. Instead on going from room to room for each class, you hung out in the “Resource Room”—I think that’s what they called it. You were that snotty-nosed kid with the crusty lips and the nigga-naps in your kitchen (da back of your head) who longed to become a regular student and freed from the retarded confines of the “Resource Room.” All of your friends in high school were a bunch “Lil Darryls”—who rode the short yellow bus to school.
I wouldn’t be talking about you being handicapped if you kept it real, but since you’re in these YouTube streets perpetrating the fraud of street dude—I think people should know about your humble (and retarded) beginnings. Now we understand why and how you can be 27 years old still living at home—because you are incapable of caring for yourself. You are a high-functioning retard—a ghetto “Rain Man” with wannabe street sensibilities. You were not one of the cool kids in high school. You were a P.R.O.—a Pre-Retarded Oddball.
This is why you got your pockets ran on camera! This is why you let a fat Mexican put his arm around your neck and zip down your hoodie! This is why you didn’t just take that “L” and fight those little bastards that pressed you! And this is why you still live at home, under the cozy confines of mommy-dearest’s roof—because you’re a grown-ass kid who still needs supervision!
By your crusty lips and dirty fingernails—we know you ain’t knocking no boots (having sex). We know you ain’t running the ladies, but I’ve got a question for you? Who—or “Wakanda”-androgynous-“Pat”-from-Saturday-Night-Live-tranny-looking-white-piece-of-trailer-park-trash-chick is that on your YouTube profile picture? Is that a woman or a man or a he/she? Is that your bitch, Bulletz Gotti? I gotta assume it is! I ain’t mad ‘cause she’s white! I’m tripping because “it” looks like a man! Is this who your mother barges in on when your trying to have sex? Who in thee fuck is this piece of caucasian persuasion on your YouTube profile pic homie? Damn.
Bullet-Head is trolling all of us! He’s laughing at the fact that he has someone of my caliber actually writing about him! He doesn’t care that his lips are crusty as fuck—or that his nails look like he’s been wiping his ass with his bare hands—or that his grandmama—looking jacked-up as all get-out would video-bomb his YouTube video! He doesn’t care! Bullet-Head is an extreme troll that’s enjoying all of this newfound attention! Bullet-Head is a grandmomma’s boy who sits around the house making fun of hip-hop celebrities and street dudes, hoping to get their attention. He’s actually infatuated with all of us!
Damn. Bulletz Gotti! Your life, thus far is just one big fat “L”—LOSER! Can we still be YouTube friends?