Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!
I Ain’t Readin’ Alla Dat!
By Khalil Amani
I love it when hip-hop heads (and a lot of grown folk who claim to be readers) start to read my blog and realize that it’s a little too long-winded for their tastes. I try to keep my blogs no more than three (computer) pages deep, hitting my main points, infusing a little humor and sarcasm—for entertainment’s sake mixed with some of my truth and a dash of philosophy with a pinch of social commentary and relevance for a hip-hop audience. These are the ingredients that make great blogs—for those who have the patience to read them.
Can you believe I’ve been accused of being long-winded when it comes to blogging? I’ve seen these young heads write paragraph after paragraph on their cell phones (“Like dude, pick up the phone and get that shit over with!” I be thinking.) Yes! “I be” is Ebonics and I understand that—but get upset because I have too much to say on a given subject. I hardly text on my cell phone, because I write so goddamned much! My fingers be needing a rest. (Ebonics again)
(They say niggas don't read. Nietzsche on the toilet is profoundly profane and stinky!)
We are truly in the microwave age of literature. Nobody likes reading—especially hip-hop heads. They will spend hella time texting, yet have the patience of a lab rat when it comes to reading thoroughly constructed sentences and paragraphs.
Over and over, I get the same comments when hip-hop heads stumble upon my blogs—“Whoa nigga! I ain’t readin’ alla dat!” Lol! Some heads post that funny-ass picture of Colin Powell in the comment section just to fuck with me. Cute.
Heaven forbid they are made to read War & Peace (1456 pages) or Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged (1168 pages) or Proust’s In Search of Lost Time (4800 pages!). They’d lose their effin’ minds! I betcha—if you put one of these hip-hop heads in prison and throw their ass in solitary confinement for a few years, these books would be like eating food and being in a relationship!
But us long-winded bloggers? Three pages and a nigga has a conniption fit!
Indeed, there are some great hip-hop bloggers on the Internet, like Byron Crawford, Ron Mexico, and Combat Jack. There are also some shitty bloggers on the Internet, who couldn’t spell their way out of a wet paper bag—who fuck up words like their/there, your/you’re. liar/lair—just be wrong for wrong’s sake—exhibiting the grammatical intelligence of a junior high school dropout—Someone has convinced them that dissing people and gratuitous cursing is what blogging is all about. Just check out the "Forum" topics here that people blog about! Pure-D shit!
This is the SHORTEST blog I’ll probably ever write. So…
To all of you simpletons, I say, “Don’t hate because your attention span is short.” To all you so-called bloggers that can only come up with a few sentences and call that shit a “blog”—maybe writing isn’t your thing—maybe consider just being a commenter and leave the work of constructing coherent sentences to those of us who know how to write. Let this be a lesson to you that writing isn’t something everybody can do on a consistent basis and that if you’re having a problem putting together a two-page blog—Imagine what it takes to write a book—and for the record, I’ve written six books.
Remember hip-hop heads! When you comment, “I ain’t readin’ alla dat,” what you’re really sayin’ is “I’m a dumb-fuck who has little or no tolerance for the reading process. Please write shorter blogs, so that my feeble mind can stay focused, because I do not have the cognitive abilities to comprehend anything not given me in piecemeal fashion. ‘I ain’t readin’ alla dat’ is my corny flippant way of showing the world that it’s cool to be hip-hoppily ig-nant. Thank you for understanding my ignorance. Peeeaaaace!”
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