Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!
Joe Budden: We Gon’ Need Further Proof!
By Khalil Amani
These Internetz stay fuckin' with Joe Budden"s"! If it wasn't embarrassing enough to get mollywhopped on camera a few years back by them Wu Tang niggas, being taunted as having a little wing-wang has to be the lowest! At the sake of being called “gay” for spying Joe Budden’s penis, I thought I’d indulge this subject for the following reasons: A.) Niggas are sensitive about the size of their dicks, B.) Why should men be ashamed of what God gave them? And C.) Because this shit really is funny!
(Rapper Joe Budden, one of the dopest rappers on the scene today! Props!)
In his Twitter rant to salvage his penis male-member Joe Budden tweeted “#1. That picture is altered. #.2 I have no issue leaking my own dick, lol #3. 2 the men commenting, who raised u niggas? & the day my dick is released to the public….it certainly wouldn’t be SOFT dick.. Lets use our brains here, lol I get that it’s the new wave to say u hate Joe Budden… but really ?? I’ve beat off in front of enough women to take this 2 trial. Lol”
(Photo-shopped or maybe he's a "grower, not a show-er?")
Watching Mr. Budden grovel on Twitter about not having a small tallywacker is funny! Hip-hop’s masculinity is being put on blast! JB says someone photo-shopped the picture in question. He insinuates that he’s bigger than the picture shows—apologetic, while at the same time trying to indulge our rational thought, while at the same time questioning straight men’s sexuality for looking at his hang low high—while at the same time questioning our parents and how they raised us—while making light of the small ding-a-ling shown to the world. Joe Budden ethered us all! LOL. But I’m still going there!
Budden straightway attack every supposedly straight heterosexual red-blooded American man for having an opinion about his cock size! That’s to be expected though… Call a nigga a fag for addressing dicks is a sure-fire way to make the average nigga back out of a dick conversation. But I ain’t the average nigga—although I beez 100% through-and-through heterosexual. I’ll eat that retort with a smile on my face!
Let’s face facts! There are lots of rappers—100’s, yea, 1000's! Statistically, some of them have to have small cocks! Everybody ain’t well-endowed like pornstars Mandingo, Shane Diesel, Rico Strong, Lex Steele, Brian Pumper, Byron Long, Wesley Pipes, and Mr. Marcus and dem. They are aberrations from the norm if the statistics are to be believed. Last time I checked stumbled upon this statistical oddity (and I have not a clue why I was reading on dick size! I think I was studying to be a contestant on Jeopardy or Who Wants to be a Millionaire.), the average man is only five to six inches when erect! (according to all the dick studies) (I can gladly report that I’m above average for you inquiring minds!)
But what Joe Budden could’ve argued is that flaccid size (a small limp dick) doesn’t mean he has a small dick! According to the foremost authority on dick size, Wikipedia, they write, “Length of the flaccid penis does not necessarily correspond to length of the erect penis; some smaller flaccid penises grow much longer, while some larger flaccid penises grow comparatively less.”
See? There was your rational comeback Joe Budden! You could’ve argued “I’m a grower, not a show-er.” Just because your johnson is small when it’s soft doesn’t mean it doesn’t get long—even very long! Similarly, some of these dudes walking around with a big soft dick the hang-low—when erect their cocks don’t get much bigger. So the question becomes, “Do you want a small 3 inch soft penis that growns to 8-9 inches when erect or do you want a 7 inch soft penis that hardly gets any bigger when erect?”
Aesthetics over real dick length? (If you're looking to take bathroom shots for Instagram/Twitter, go for the aesthetics! Most chicks are really dumb anyway! They'll think your 7" soft dick will grow to 12 inches hard. Oh, the look on their faces when it doesn't get much bigger!)
So, in the case of Joe Budden, I guess what the blogosphere is trying to say is, “We gon' need further proof!” We gon’ need to see your erect penis phallus in a picture that is not photo-shopped with a ruler for side by side comparisons and four notarized letters from Tahiry, Esther Baxter, Somaya Reese, and your current jump-off, Kaylin Garcia. And we’re gonna need all of you to go on Maury and submit to a lie-detector test to prove conclusively that there is no collusion on the part of all your past and present poonannies.
And Joey! If any of your ex-jump-offs say that, indeed, you do have a little penis, go "Richard Pryor" on them. Ask them why they were screaming so much (during sex)? Hopefully, they won't say they were "screaming to keep from laughing in your face!" Tell them that's why you went and found some new pussy! Let's just hope they don't retort, "You could've found some new pussy here if you had two more inches of dick!" (That Pryor was something else! LOL!)
But really, really? At the end of the day, for Joey-Boy, it really doesn’t matter whether he’s a short man or not, because he gets the kind of pussy most men would die for! Most men would pay a pretty penny to be Mr. Joe Budden—irregardless of what he’s working with! So remember this! Some of us have big penises--and some of us, like me, are just a "Peenius Cranius" (dick head)!
(Khalil Amani and Joe Budden's current girlfriend Kaylin Garcia. Watch for her rise on the next season of "Love & Hip-hop Atlanta.")
Khalil Amani writes for DJ Kayslay's "Originators" & 'Straight Stuntin Magazine." Follow on Facebook Twitter @ khalilamani