Kanye West is My Mama’s Old Douche Bag!
By Khalil Amani
Remember that red hot-water bottle in your bathroom that your mama said to leave alone—that rectangular balloon with the white rubber hose with a suction tip—that toy you used to try to float on, while taking a bath—that device that you used to fill up with water and spray your little brother—that mysterious latex contraption that never moved from its perch, high atop the showerhead on a rusty hanger? If you’re a child of the 70’s/80’s you definitely know what I’m talkin’ about!
(Your mama's old douche bag on that rusty hanger...lol!)
Your mama’s douche bag! Kanye West is my mama’s old douche bag!
Which is worse? Getting the shit beat out of you by Chris Brown (in private) in your Lamborghini, only to make up and secretly rendezvous in Mexico to get some sex or to get verbally beat the fuck up by Kanye West in front of millions of people—and then have to come back out to give your acceptance speech—In front of millions of people again—facing a passive aggressive abuser in the audience (Kanye) who leaves you with internalized scars that may take years to heal?
We all saw that despicable display of musical sportsmanship! And the sad thing about it was that it wasn’t even his fight! He’s tryin’ to cosign another man’s pussy! (Jay-Z’s) If you haven’t seen the video go to YouTube and check out this Negro! Here’s 19-year old country singing sensation Taylor Swift at the VMA’s trying to accept her very first video award and here comes Mr. Douche Bag himself—Kanye West—bum-rushing the stage and grabbing the mic from Taylor Swift and saying, “Yo’ Taylor! I’m really happy for you! I’m-a let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!”
With a look of shit-eating dismay and astonishment on his face, Kanye looked at the audience as though they were wrong for booing the fuck out of him! A warped perception of reality and class! This is some “Negro Please”—some “Hot Ghetto Mess”—some ignorance of mammoth proportions! Surely Kanye’s mama is rolling over in her grave by her son’s continued stupidity. Ya think?
In the words of the Asian dude to O-Dog on Menace II Society, “I feel sorry for your mother!”
As much as I enjoy watching those three fine-ass chicks prance around in Danskin tights and Capezio character shoes—doing step-ball-changes and contemporary jazz choreography (having been a jazz dancer myself), I can appreciate the physicality of the jazz dance art-form, but “one of the best videos of all time?” Fuck outta here Kanye!
I can name videos by Michael Jackson, Nas, Geto Boys, and Nirvana that shit on “Single Ladies!”
Yes! I thought Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” video should’ve won too! But was I floored that she didn’t win? Hell no! You would’ve thought that this was Roy Jones being robbed of an Olympic Gold Medal.
This ignoramus has the nerve to tell Taylor, “I’m-a let you finish,”
as though this was his show and he’s runnin’ things! And then, on his website, Kanye claims he did it because he’s a “real person.” Again, fuck outta here! It doesn’t take a “real person” to snatch the microphone from a frail-looking 110 lbs. soaking wet white girl! Wanna show me real? Jump on the stage and snatch the mic from 50 Cent—snatch the mic from Maino—Beenie Segal (who called you a faggot!)—Trick Trick or any gangsta rapper! You’d be living “Thru the Wire” all over again!
Kanye West is hip-hop’s certified douche bag—blood clot—an awards show “Suge Knight”—a fuckin’ bully—at least to teenage girls, that is!
(Khalil Amani & Mr. Douche Bag Kanye West)
Donald Trump has called for a boycott of “all things Kanye.” I think it’s safe to say that Kanye West just signed his own rap death certificate—his rap career is about to take a fall into that Great Ghetto Abyss of has-been rappers for dissing that white girl. Never underestimate the power of the racial dynamic! If history teaches us nothing else, it should have taught black men that you can’t take a crap on the symbol of American beauty—the epitome of womanhood—the white woman—and think you’re gonna walk away scot-free.
Kanye! You can write in ALL CAPS ON YOUR WEBSITE AND TRY TO CONVINCE US THAT YOU HAVE A POINT, BUT AT THE END-OF-THE-DAY—CAPITALIZING ALL YOUR LETTERS SIMPLY MEANS YOU’RE SHOUTING… BUT NOBODY’S LISTENING.
Off to buy that Taylor Swift album.
PS. Concession; I guess Byron Crawford (of XXL Mag) was right.