The Khalil Amani Reader

Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!

Khalil’s 2011 Facebook Posts: Coonery, Bufoonery, Random Pontificating & Profoundly Prescribed Profanities!

Khalil’s 2011 Facebook Posts:
Coonery, Bufoonery, Random Pontificating & Profoundly Prescribed Profanities!


I decided to compile a list of my most outlandlishly hilariously stupid and profound quotes—not for me mind you, but rather for posterity (future generation). There were so many, but I narrowed the list down to 250 posts—which range from religious to hip-hop to lots of sex talk. Feel free to use my words. All I ask is that you don’t plagiarize me. Tell folk where you got it from because if I catch you getting props for my words I’m gonna have to air you out publically—and then call my lawyer! Let’s get it!


1. Back to being my coonerific self! It's safe down there. LOL.


2. "Critical Thinking" and "Dumbing It Down" are both worthy stratagems. Know the Art of War. #Jewel#10


3. If you're trying to destroy an institution, attack with a Nietzsche-ian/nihilistic fervor. If you're trying to change an institution, cogently deconstruct with kid gloves. #Jewel#9


4. "Trojan Horse" the music industry with your Movement. Before they know you have won, you will have won. #Jewel#8


5. Allies are very important to any Movement. Without them, you're basically fucked. #Jewel#5


6. The best "Movement" is the one that tries to integrate its philosophy into the larger populace without destroying the populace. #Jewel#4


7. You can be a rap activist for gays, women, and handicaps and still love Lil Wayne, Maino, and 50 Cent. #Jewel#3


8. I applaud your philosophical effort, but if you're gonna quote someone, put it in quotations and give them credit by placing their name after the quote. To do otherwise is called plagiarism! (stealing) #WeKnowYou'reNotThatBrilliantLOL


9. Women and snakes (serpents) were the symbols of Goddess & Sodomite religion. You think it's a coincidence that the woman (represented by Eve) and snakes (the Serpent) have had their names & reputations drug through the mud? #NoBiggerLieHasEverBeenConcocted!


10. Religion has been the worst criminal the world has ever known!


11. I wish I lived back in the time when God was a Woman...


12. If I had no conscience, I'd be in the preacher-man business.


13. Jesus could not have bought a cup of coffee in a 1950's Alabama restaurant! Why? 'Cause he was a man of color. (i.e. non-white)


14. Just because your preacher makes you feel all tingly inside doesn't mean he's telling you the truth!


15. Dr. Martin Luther King was not homophobic like many of us. His right-hand man, Bayard Rustin was an openly gay man. It was Rustin who helped Dr. King orchestrate the "March on Washington" where King made his "I Have A Dream" speech. #KingWasAChristianPreacherWhoSawBeyondAntiquatedBibleVerses


16. Take your preacher out of the cozy confines of his church and I'll chew him up and spit him back at you!


17. I don't care what your religion has brainwashed you to believe! Being gay is not a "sin" against God-- and don't quote me any fucking BIBLE versus, unless you want me to DECONSTRUCT your religious argument---point by point.


18. I know you've been told being gay is a "choice." Did you "choose" to be straight? #ArgumentSettled


19. Churches & liquor stores; Choose your addiction... #CountThemInTheHood


20. Knowing "Pop Culture," the key to staying young!


21. I've gotta learn how to smoke weed, so when all that old-age shit starts to kick in, I'll have an escape (and a medicinal cure) to make it to the grave. #Really


22. Nihilism is not for the weak or faint of heart. #StayWithTheHerd


23. Group-think is the enemy of freethinking.


24. Revolutionary ideas are seldom supported by the relatives of the idea. They wonder how this apple fell so far from the tree.


25. How do you think Jesus felt, speaking all that revolutionary and seditious ish and his own family standing outside, too chicken-shit to stand by their kinfolk? They wanted him to come outside and he gave them the "side-eye." #NiggasPlease!


26. Leave it all on the table. Don't look back and think, "I could've, would've of, should've."


27. Follow your dreams! Learn everything about your dream and chase that motherfucker like you really want it!


28. A Christian should be rooting for the Illuminati—yea, carrying the banner of the Illuminati. Why? It’s supposed to usher in the Second Coming of Christ right? Without Judas there was no dying and rising Jesus. Without the Illuminati/New World Order there is no Second Dispensation. Relax. Man-up and accept what your book is teaching you and let the Rain Man do his thingy.


29. Me and Tupac had something in common. We were both ballet dancers and any str8 male ballet dancer will tell you that ballet class is a smorgasbord of poonanny!


30. waiting for that video of Tupac @ Baltimore School of the Arts, in tights doing tour jetes & pas de deuxs with lil girls. #KeepingItBalanced


31. Aversion to the nude body is rooted in our Judeo-Christian religious tradition, which views sex as "nasty," "shameful," "secretive," and "dirty."


32. Lesbian chicks rock! #Don'tAskWhyTheyJustDo!


33. Wouldn't it be cool if no one claimed a religion and we all just said, "We are children of God"? #Imagine


34. When violence occurs, which results in loss of life--I don't buy the whole "God called them home" religious ideology. I know people need a reason to put tragedy in context, but if God wanted to "call us home" it would be as simple as Him saying, "Let there be light...and it was so!" Why does God have to "call us home" through horrendous tragedies? Why do we put that shit on God?


35. When I talk to preachers they always tell me I'm "called." Nigga, I ain't "called" to preach anything that Christianity has to say!


36. I once made a 33 Degree Freemason bow... and I'm not even bound by the sword!


37. I've always rooted for the underdog! Minorities, women, gays, etc. They give life meaning!


38. Probably if I were 25 I wouldn't be able to be so vocal about gay rappers, for fear of people thinking I was gay, but at 50, I really don't give a shit what you think about my sexuality.


39. It's kinda hard to be "downlow" advocating for gay rappers! #Duh!


40. Do I really care if you think I'm gay? Is that supposed to be a bad thingy?


41. You might not wanna fuck with me on this hip-hop ish, but there are many, who are much deeper than you in the game that fuck with Khalil Amani. Stop being scuurrred!


42. I've got one foot in the str8 hip-hop world and the other foot in the gay hip-hop world. When you see the first gay rapper in mainstream you can thank (or blame) me. LOL.


43. I'm playing my position in this hip-hop game. #ErrybodyAin'tABoss!


44. These Internetz is moving my name around like a Tsunami! #I'mAboutToBlow


45. Everybody that knows me, meets me or has a chance encounter with me goes away thinking, "That Khalil dude is one hellava nice guy!" What's your problem with me? My Divine Mind?


46. Some friends go, "Eh!" Some family say, "So what!" But my readership... (especially in the prisons) go, "Whoa!"


47. If my chick calls Jesus's name during sex, I think it should be okay if I called Mary Magdalene's name! #FairIsFair


48. I can't make you shout on Saturday night, but the preacher can make you shout on Sunday morning? What part of the game is this?


49. Never marry a church girl unless you're the pastor. Watch how she leers at Rev. Chickenfoot.


50. If I had it my way, I'd have five girlfriends; One black, one white, one Latina, one Asian and one Bi-lesbian chick I'd call my "side-bitch-slapper." She keeps the peace amongst the girls.


51. If a woman called me another man's name in bed, it would prolly turn me on---until I came--and then I'd be like, "Bitch, who is Tony?"


52. I think my freak-level is above average, but I've gotta admit, I've had a chick or two that made me say, "You wanna put what, where?" #OhHellNo!


53. sometimes it is your fault that she can't cum. you're thinking about what worked with your last girl...


54. the crazy thing about sex is that one thing that drove him or her wild prolly won't drive your new partner wild.


55. On that note... I'm going to watch some porn!


56. The only people who say writing books ain't shit are the people who've NEVER written a book!


57. Nigga I don't just write blogs! I write Tomes!


58. I love it when people question my acumen & acuity!


59. It doesn't make sense! Why would the Devil be all pissed off at seeing me enter into his gates? I was a rebel like him! #Don'tHateCongradulate


60. It would seem to me that the Devil should write a book and tell us his side of the story--like his reward for being a bad person. Like, do we get to have wild orgies with as many chicks as we want for an eternity?


61. I got a problem with this devil/hell thingy. If God is pleased with us being good, loving Jesus and will reward us with eternal life, why would the Devil be mad at us and torture us for doing what he likes--evil? Shouldn't the Devil wanna reward me for being one bad, evil, motherfucker? #Logical


62. I think the media/government is grooming us for the inevitable reality that there are other life forms, more advanced than us.


63. The concept of "God" will be interesting when UFOs/aliens finally make themselves known to us. Might it be possible that one of these aliens was our god? #SeeVonDaniken


64. what will the religionists do when they confirm alien existence? #TheRevisionistsBible


65. I only use big words when I'm talking to smart people...


66. The Bible is an ethnocentric piece of literature, which has put nationalistic bias above Universal Love for humanity. (Example: "You [Israel] only have I known of all the families of the earth: therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities." (Amos 3:2)


67. Shun Ethnocentricity. Uplift humanity!


68. Don't worry. Jesus fell out with his family too...


69. working makes my dick itch! #OrIsItCrabs?


70. Just letting you know. If we go to the movies and the movie warrants crying, I'm crying! I don't play that macho-man ish! Respect my sensitivity damnit!


71. Jesus had a sense of humor and punch-lines galore! #ReadHim


72. They teach Daniel Boone, but they don't teach Tecumseh? History is written by the spoilers. #ThinkBible


73. Programs, Pogroms and Pilgrims... understanding the founding of America.


74. Just because I don't believe in Jesus like you do, doesn't mean I don't believe in Jesus. The question is, "What Jesus are we talking about? The Jesus of history or the mythologized Christ of the Roman Church?" #QualitativeDifference


75. People don't realize that ALL of the iconic figures that truly changed history rode against the grain. Jesus WAS NOT a conformist, a believer in what the status quo were believing. That dude was always saying, "Ye have heard them say...., but I SAY UNTO YOU!" #FlippingTheScriptOnPopularReligiousDogma


76. I'm left of left...


77. I'm in the shit-house with half my family over this Facebook posting! I can only imagine where I'd be if they read one of my books! #Excommunicated


78. Remember when there was a time when you didn't know what people were thinking? #SocialMediaCreatedAMonster


79. There is something in your life that you could share to help someone. Why are you mum-mouthed?


80. Discussing one's past behind closed doors is so very 20th Century! #DeezInternets


81. Even the child-molester and the rapist has somebody in his life that speaks glowingly of him. Your perception and reality is not my perception and reality.


82. Addicted to nicotine, addicted to alcohol, addicted to cocaine, addicted to an abusive spouse... now those are addictions, but addicted to porn? People smoke cigarettes in the morning, during lunch break, after dinner, etc. No one has the time to yank their crank that much!


83. Saying that a person is "addicted to porn" borders on the Oxymoronic... especially for men! If you're single, like, who are you hurting? It certainly isn't hurting a man's body. I read that the more a man ejaculates, the less chance he has of getting prostate cancer. Just sayin'...


84. If boys gravitate to "girlie things" and girls gravitate to "boy things"... so be it! Let that be the case and not because a parent has blurred the lines between masculinity and femininity for that child.


85. It's rarely a child's fault why they're so fucked up...


86. Moses was not the founder of monotheism (one god worship). That distinction goes to the African (EGYPTIAN) pharaoh Akhenaton.


87. The Goddess was replaced by the God, women were relegated to second-class citizenry and every religious symbol (like the serpent) was attacked as evil.


88. When the nomadic/Semitic peoples (Jews) invaded the Middle-East they straightway initiated a POGROM against the Goddess and the Sodom religions. The first thing they attacked was their use of sex (in any form) as ritual. Thus, homosexuality and premarital sex become "sin."


89. The movie 10 Commandments tries to make the Africans (Egyptians) look like they were heartless. Cecil B. DeMille didn't wanna make a movie about the millions that the Jews slaughtered on their way to nationhood! #HowAboutThat?


90. Calling one's self a "Hebrew" is like a black person calling himself a "nigga." The word "Hebrew" was a slang that foreigners used for these foreign invaders (Jews). Hebrew means "crossed a boundary" or "cross over." They were interlopers and freebooters, who used the Deity to rape and pillage.


91. Dude was eating a porkchop sandwich, while arguing what the Bible says about homosexuality. #DoUSeeTheProblemHere?


92. For every porn star and stripper... You should read Toni Morrison's book, "Sula" and you'll NEVER be ashamed of your past or present. Believe it or not, you actually give people a reason to live!


93. All you porn stars & strippers... when you decided to get a 9 to 5 and fall in love, make sure that your man and all of his family know where you come from. It'll save you heartache. #PrettyWoman


94. Embrace it! Own it! Your past is what makes you YOU!


95. If you have no dirt in your past, you haven't really lived!


96. Putting on airs is for cowardly people who are afraid to be who they are.


97. How self-deluded of you to think that people are just waiting to read about your life!


98. If you don't want people knowing your "business," stay off these Internets!


99. If you're ashamed of your past, go the fuck somewhere and die! If you're more worried about what others think more than the motherfuckers that birth you, go somewhere and die! #Fucking Done!!!!!!!!


100. Bragging that you go to church every Sunday or never go clubbing does not make you saintly. It makes you a pious jerk.


101. If you're not clubbing in your 20s & 30s you'll be a shrewd-prude when you're in your 40s & 50s. #LiveLife


102. I wonder what it would be like having sex with Nancy Grace? She could probably eyeball my sperm-count and know that I've been messing around behind her back.


103. I used to cherish my vast library of religious literature, but more and more I have disdain for people even thinking they can write about the Grand Architect of the Universe. I now have a Nihilistic view of all religion...


104. I look at a map of the "known" Universe and think, "Really?" I'm supposed to be a Christian? Or a Jew? Or a Muslim? #SoooooUN-OmnipotentOmniscient


105. The heart teaches what the Bible/Quran can never teach. #ListenToIt


106. God is the most selfish, self-absorbed, megalomanic, and narcissistic Being in the Universe. #AtLeastThat'sHowHeIsPresentedToUs


107. Last night at work I felt like I had a toothache in my ass! #DamnSciaticNerve


108. Both my jobs gave me Pilgrim Fare (turkeys) for Thanksgiving. I'm starting to feel like Miss Rudolph! #RichardPryor


109. Great (rap) music doesn't have to be preachy or thought-provoking... #CanIGetADrankCauseDatsMySong


110. You ever fart in a club and walk away before the scent rises?


111. When a woman with big breasteses enters my comfort zone I get cock-eyed. Stare, no don't stare. #confession #24


112. I don't get excited watching porn when there's no plot!


113. Guys (and lesbians) know the difference between "it's talking to you" and she farting on you! #sheeeesh!


114. Guys! Don't you hate it when your chick points out every flaw on porno chick's body, while you're trying to watch the movie? #thingsthatmakeyourdickgolimp


115. I'll be especially gay this weekend!


116. Casey Anthony #WhenRoeVWadegoeshorriblywrong


117. Casey Anthony, the new face of Planned Parenthood #WTF


‎118. "Murder was the case that they gave me!" #Casey'snewremixofSnoop'ssonggoingplatinum


119. Casey Anthony still considered a M.I.L.F.? ...murderer I'd like to fuck. #whatmanywhiteboysarethinking


120. Can you implant my chip in a neon orange, so that it can glow when I'm out clubbing?


121. Zeitgeist is leading us to the slaughter! Wake up my people


122. I think I'll plank at work for the next 6 hours. That'll teach them to ask me to work on a Sunday! lol!


123. I am not crazy, despite what they say! Misunderstood? Probably!


124. The Bible is not my (final) "source of authority," so if you wanna debate me on this religious ish you'll need to step your religion, history, mythology, and archeaology game up, else there's no point.



125. From time immemorial SEX had its function in religion until the nomadic male-dominated religions took over the Middle-East. Sex was love. Sex was beautiful. Sex was procreation. Sex was the seat of the Goddess. Sex is where life sprang forth. Sex was heaven in physcial drag. And then came Judaism...


126.The fact that there are so many religions is proof-positive that we don't know God. It is only proof that we know that there is a God.


127.Can you believe there are niggas that still think masturbation is a "sin?" #TheBibleTheUltimateBrainwasher


128.Freestyling in a "cypher" has replaced playing Beethoven's "5th Symphony."


129. Spitting "16 Bars" has replaced learning Handel's "Messiah" on the violin.



130.not all vaginas are pretty.... Heather Starlet has the prettiest va-jay-ja in all of porn! I'd pay to get a closer look at that thing. #ReallyDoe



131.I used Cocaine once. Somebody told me that if I put it on the tip of my johnson I could go all night. And I did, but I was numb! What good is that if I can't feel the old in & out?



132.If you've been monogamous for 10, 20, 30+ years, God bless you for eating that same ol' steak! It really is a feat!



133.I need to have one more menage-a-trois before I commit. #ReallyDoe


134.Before I die I wanna know what a Marijuana high feels like. #ReallyDoe


135. My Movement is in the prisons as well as the streets! What will you do when FACEBOOK goes the way of the dinosaur?


136.You know I'm the nigga you love to hate. Can't stand my postings, but can't wait to read them. #Sula

137. ...even with my perfunctory self I find something profound in the profane.


138. Pedophiles & rapists should be tortured in the worst ways! #I'mTalkingMedieval


139. If I were married to a sex therapist I'd have her ass on her couch every chance I got. #JustDon'tDiagnoseMeWhileI'mHittingIt


140. I've never been offended by what a woman said to me in bed, but I've offended a few! LOL.


141. The worst "lay" in the world is the person who can't indulge your fantasy/s in the bedroom. You're on some imaginary/hypothetical conversation and she/he is on some "you really mean that?" shit. #JustShootMe!


142. The beauty of Facebook is the divergence of opinions. I am never mad when a person doesn't agree with me. I'm usually so far left that when someone does agree, I think they're a little crazy.


143. The word for today is "Raison d'être." (Pronounced ray-son det-tra). It is a french word, which translates as "Reason for existence." Have you found the reason you are breathing?


144. I was gonna write this hot blog about FACEBOOK deleting my account and now I have nothing to write about this weekend. I need drama in my life!


145. I just be joshing with y'all. Don't be getting your panties in a bunch! I would NEVER wanna outright offend anyone, just to be offensive. Like my daughter says, don't be using FB for your therapy.


146. I admit it! I'm a male-chauvinist pig who likes to be put in his place by a domineering woman.

147. "Oh darling! Would you kindly penetrate my vagina with your elongated penis and sexual intercourse the libido out of me!" #WhoTalksLikeThatDuringSex?


148. Some women sex-"educators" goal is to effeminize and emasculate the animalistic nature of the male species. Cut my nuts off and drain me of Testosterone and my sexual language will change. If you want me to verbalize like a woman may I suggest that you have latent lesbian tendencies that need exploring?


149. Maybe I'm choosing the wrong women, but the chicks I've "made love" to say things like "fuck my brains out" and "tear this pussy up" and "fuck the shit out of me" and "you makin' me hurt so good" and "HARDER!" #CouldTheSexBooksBeWrong?


150. Me and FACEBOOK made up last night! We had the greatest sex evaaar! I'll never call my bitch a hoe again! No never! #MuahFacebook


151. I'm sueing FB for lifestyle-discomfort and abandonment. #Where'sJohnnyCochranWhenUNeedHim?


152. "That's too much power for one man to have!" #ThingsMalcolmWould'veSaidAboutFacebookDeletingMyAccount


153. I mean, really, does what I write really impact your life, so-much-so that you have to call the "man" on my ass? #LikeWhoa!


154. If you see me suddenly disappear know that I didn't delete you! Little men with big egos in shadowy basements control my fate.


155. I'm almost INSULTED that FACEBOOK let me back in da game! I fully expect that my blogging and crude commentary on the human condition will get me exiled to the land of Has-been. The fuck?


156. there really is life beyond Facebook! Not much life, but there is life! LOL


157. And just think, someone's GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT in life... someone's CLAIM TO FAME will be that they got Khalil Amani off FACEBOOK for an entire week! #Enjoy


158. What was I doing without FACEBOOK? Visiting the ghetto of MYSPACE!


159. The Lumpen-Proletariat (Marx's working-class) are wreckin' shit from the Middle-East all the way to Wall Street! #It'sMyLife&IWantItNow!


160. Everybody can "tweet." Anybody can "post." A few people can "blog," but not everybody can "write!" #It'sACraft


161. Raise your hand if you've licked ass...


162. I've tried anal sex (pause)... I've tried to perform anal sex on maybe 1 or 2 chicks just for shits & giggles. (no pun intended).


163. Anal bleaching? Who told you your asshole was a different color? #Vanity@ItsFinest


164. something about chicks with hairy legs and faint mustaches that turn me on. #Don'tEvenGoThere!


165. If a man offered me a million dollars to sleep with my wife I'd change the sheets, give her a douche and prepare him a 5 course meal and tell him to wreak havoc on that ass!


166. Hey! I stopped calling my bitch a hoe!


167. Coonery & Buffoonery are literary devices I use to draw the reader...


168. trying to align my Ma'at with my Karma with my Yin-Yang.. all while standing perpendicular to the Square, as I watch Pleiades and Orion do their thang.


169. Sometimes subliminals are better than direct confrontation. "LikeAShotgunPOW!


170. When people don't do the right thing, institute the "Errybody Grown Up In Here" rule and move on.


171. I said it before and I'll say it again! Some children don't deserve parents!


172. The only people who know about God are those that are dead!


173. Religion is humanity's feeble attempt to understand that which can NEVER be understood. #TheInfiniteOne


174. What are the chances of one black president replacing another black president? #HermanCainIsNotBlack!


175. Dying is not what bothers me. Thinking about how my children will deal with it does.


176. I embrace the phrase "dirty old man." When my libido dies, kill me!


177. I wanna date a chick who sees my library and her panties become instantly wet!


178. My ideal woman? A younger version of me with feminine sensibilities with a twist of uber intelligence. #IsThatAskingTooMuch?


179. I really don't want Rick Ross to die before me, because I don't want our alma mater (Carol City) being renamed


180. "Rick Ross High." #UKnowTheyGonnaDoIt


181. I don't care what my kids say! 310 sneakers are dope! #WestCoastRepresenting!


182. I'm the elephant in hip-hop's living room and I'm about to take a great big dooky on the carpet! CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?


183. Young people don't slow-drag anymore! What a crying-shame! What better way to get acquainted with the chick you've been eye-fucking half the night? #GladIWasAChildOfThe70s


184. Any of you guys from the 70s ever listened to Donna Summer's "Love To Love You Baby" and masturbated? Oh! It was just me?


185. Dogmas are the roots of all evil. Thus sayeth the nihilist


186. Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is found in only one. Who is unnatural now? #Damn.


187. If I start dating a stripper, I'm only trying to save her soul. #RoundAboutMidnight


188. I wanna sit by a fireplace with a chick and read Ovid, the Song of Solomon and some Khalil Gibran and then stick my fingers between her legs and ask her if she's ready to fuck. #NowThat'sRomance!


189. I want a Bi-sexual girlfriend who's on a pussy-hunt more than me!


190. Me & my dawg saw a cripple woman on Brickell Ave. (upscale Miami) and even she was fine! #WeBothAgreed


191. I would do a "three-way" with Oprah and Gabourey Sidibe. #ForTheRightPrice


192. Whenever you criticize someone (especially in written form), they go from irrelevancy to relevancy. That's why you should always embrace the hate.


193. My memoir is "Bigger Thomas meets Huck Finn" kind of adventure with a lot of Henry Miller-esque sexcapades. #WhoDey?


194. I'm amused by the lameness of it all. The Illuminated Ones understand me just fine.


195. At my age, I really don't care what you think about my sexuality. #IJS


196. There is a reason a person shouts "Oh God!" or "Jesus" upon orgasm. Orgasm is the physical manifestion of being in the realm of the Infinite One (God). #NoGreaterFeelingIsAttainable


197. This is how you know the Bible is full of shit... Jesus is quoted as having said things like "It is written Eye for Eye, but I say Turn the other cheek" or "you have heard them of olden time say... but I say...." Jesus shitted on the written word (what became known as the Bible) and tried to appeal to them niggas' hearts!


198. Before there was a Noah, there was Utnapishtim! #Huh?


199. "The Portable Nietzsche" stays on the back of my toilet!


200. I'm just a raconteur! Indulge my literary gift, won't cha? #StoryTellerWriterAuthorBloggerWordsmithLiar


201. Just because I push the "Gay Agenda" does not make me part of the Illuminati! #ButYouNeverCanTell


202. Is it really possible to "over-analyze"? Wouldn't that mean that a person has to use Inductive & Deductive Reasoning? Wouldn't they have to be schooled in Reasoning, Polemics, Exegetics, Hermeneutics, Hyperbole, Obfuscation, and Debate? #MaybeI'mOverAnalyzing


203. I bet you won't say it to my Facebook face! #21stCenturyBeef


204. I might get cursed out for this, but I think Nicki Minaj is the best female rapper evaaaar! #YouCanQuoteMeOnDat


205. How can you go from writing about "Top 10 Chicks I'd Bang" to having a scholarly discussion on the Pharisees, Jesus and First Century Palestine--and really know what the fuck you're talking about? #It'sLikeJeopardyBitch


206. We that post on Facebook are exhibitionists. You that read on Facebook are voyeurs. #WeAllPartOfTheFBMachine


207. I'm not that important that I should have to censor my dirty laundry on FB... and neither are you! #It'sOnlyRealityReading


208. I'm starting to get the distinct impression that I was put on this earth to do a great work!


209. There's some truth to ugly girls being better in the sack. #SoIHeard


210. Every dude has "dated" an ugly girl. Well, let me restate that. Every dude can tell you about a girl that he was hittin' da skins with who was not aesthetically pleasing. #SomeOfTheBestSex


211. Hip-hop concerts demand too much of my energy..."Put your hands in da air! Wave em like you just don't care! Now scream! Hold ya lighters up! Where my dawgs at? Ugly girls be quiet! Clap ya hands!" #Sheeit!I'mWinded


212. I've got hella fans in prison! They mostly write to say that I'm one smart, intelligent, witty, funny, clever and cool-ass dude--and some don't believe that I'm 51 years old with 21 year old sensibilities! #WritersHaveLongevityRappersDon't


213. Every girl I've ever liked I tried to have sex with on the first date. God! Please don't let her give in to me! #SeparatingTheWheatFromTheTares


214. I'm a GRANDFATHER and I still ain't had my last Ménage à trois! #That'sHowIWannaDie


215. I'm a GRANDFATHER and your girlfriend's eyefucking me in da club. #AyePapi!


216. I'd rather play the role of the old buffoon than the young stick-in-the-mud. #WhoLooksHappier?


217. Let's keep it real! If my woman/wife needs me to "get it up" all she needs to do is bring me a nice young chick about half her age and then go shopping. I 'll be ready for her when she gets back. Promise!


218. The hardest nigga is a bitch at the point of orgasm.


219. I once dated a woman that said, No man ever fucked me! I make love!" Six months later I was making her say "Fuck me!" just because! #KilledThatHangUp


220. Find a woman that doesn't give head and I'll show you a boyfriend/husband that's thinking, "How'd I end up with her?"


221. Some (straight) men won't admit to liking the feeling of letting a woman lick their ass, because it is the closet thing to feeling like a woman without actually being a woman. #AgainSoI'veBeenTold


222. A chick once said to me, "Let me stick my finger in your ass as you cum! It'll be the best feeling ever!" #HellNo!UTrynaTurnMeOut?


223. I do understand gay sex. A doctor once checked my rectum for cancer and when he touched my prostate, I damn near came... with a limp dick! #ThereIAdmitItWasAnEmotionalExperience


224. I love it when a woman licks my face clean of pussy juice! #SoBeautifullyNasty


225. Another stereotype? You can give black men head, but don't be tryna kiss him afterward! #InternalizedHomphobiaMeetsDirtyDick


226. Another stereotype? White chicks give head. Black chicks perform fellatio. #ThinkAboutIt


227. Wanna hear one of my sexual stereotypes? Skinny girls handle penis waaaay better than fat girls. #SoI'veBeenTold


228. What pisses me off? When a chick tries some lil "trick on my dick" and it hurts and she's looking at me like, "My last boyfriend liked it!" #NoTeethBitch!


229. Kissing is more intimate than sex. #AskAProstitute


230. I French-kissed two women in the morning when I woke up--before I brushed my teeth... and married one of them! #ShitHappens


231. I need a wife to keep my girlfriend in check #MenShouldNeverHitWomen


232. You can't fuck me into submission! #TheyCallMeSweetPeeterJeeterTheWombBeater


233. "Hey Clem! Did ya see that new Miss Universe?" "Shur did! I pert-near lost my load! I ain't gonna lie. For a coon, I'd love to swim in her creek wit ma boots off!"


234. If you call me "Lloyd" you've known me for a lifetime. If you call me "Prince" you knew me in the 80s when I was a fly-ass stripper. If you call me "Khalil" you know my Divine Mind. #Metamorphosis


235. I'm not UN-American! I'm pro-humanity!


236. We, Americans, are in no moral position to point the finger at anyone! #CheckTheHistory


237. Proof that America needs to get out of the Middle-East? In Iraq, we went from "liberators" to "interlopers" in a matter of months! #YouCan'tMakeA3rdWorldWhoreIntoA1stWorldHousewife


238. I wonder do pr0n stars go home and say, "Not tonight baby! I had a 'long,' 'hard' day!" #NoPunsIntended


239. There's something very cathartic about using profanity to make a religious point to a religious person. #IFeelDevilish&TinglyInside


240. I secretly liked Reagan, but don't tell nobody. #HeWasCoolToo


241. Obama has mastered the art of cursing out Republicans in the most dignified language.


242. I said this before, but Sister Lisbeth made me think about it; Remember when "cock" meant "vagina?" #That70sPoontang


243. I have the writing sensibilities of a cat half my age, yet the wisdom of a man twice my age. #That'sWhyTheyBeFeelin'Me


244. Maaaan! If I ever caught my woman in bed with another... woman?! #GetMeSomePopcornWineCoolerLotion


245. I just got turned on watching my ex groping a stripper. #JustWait


246. Freedom in a relationship is when a man can take a dump with the door open and ask his woman to bring him a fresh roll of toilet paper. #NowThat'sLove


247. Men! You ever had "performance anxiety?" (limp dick). It happened to me the summer of 1996. I was 36, she was 19. Took me a week of fucking her to make up for that faux pas! #What'sMyName?


248. People need to stop saying "That's so gay!" Like, what does that mean? There are worse things that a person could be besides being gay, like handicapped or dead. Most of the time I'm gayer than a motherfucker.... until somebody pisses me off!


249. One day a gay rapper is gonna make an example out of your favorite rapper. #OnTheMic&Streets


250. "Be a man and say it to my face!" "No! I'll be a boy and text you!" #ThisAintThe70sOr80sOr90s!

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