The Khalil Amani Reader

Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!

Men That Beat Women…

By Khalil Amani


I remember waking up one morning in 1987 and saying, “Good morning” to my then girlfriend. Before I could wipe the eye-boogers from the corners of my eyes, she slapped the dog-shit out of me—WACK! As much as it hurt, I was much more interested in why she’d slapped the dog-shit out of me. Then, maybe, I could’ve gotten angry enough to retaliate. But, no! She just looked at me with those big puppy-dog eyes and snarled at me. To this day—yea, this very hour that you are reading this, I have as yet to know the reason for getting waylaid. (And she’s a Facebook friend of mine today—who’s prolly long forgotten about how she did a brotha.)


I did not hit her back! That ain’t my steelo—hitting chicks.


It all goes back to my childhood. I came from a very abusive family. My dad was hell on my mother. My earliest recollection of my dad putting hands on my mom was when I was four years old—late October, early November—I remember because we kids were eating Halloween candy a day or two before or after October 31, 1964.


My two older brothers and I were awoken by the sound of my mom hollering, “Stop it Lee Roy!” which were followed by thuds and smacks and bumps in the night. What we three witnessed was the most devastating sight that a child should never see! My mother was under the kitchen table and my dad was under the kitchen table on top of her—pounding her out!


When he saw us, he hollered for us to go back to bed. We stood there crying our eyes out—going back and forth between our bedroom and living room—far enough away that this man couldn’t hit us. My mom endured that ass-whipping all night!


The next morning, there was mommy-dearest—swollen jaw, bruises about her face and neck and a black-eye, which she covered with make-up. I still remember mama instructing us; “If anybody asks you what happened last night, tell them nothing happened.” Pitiful.


That was the first of several beatings my mother endured. My mom didn’t live a long life. She died of cancer at 42. It didn’t dawn on me until I became a man why my mother wore dentures/partials in the front of her mouth in her 30’s---because daddy-dearest had knocked out her front teeth! As a kid, every time I saw her dentures in a glass of water I just thought she was an old lady, because, thirty-something is old to a child—but the fact remains—my dad had punched her so much and so hard that she lost her teeth.


From these childhood memories, which were embedded in my psyche for all eternity—I vowed never to hit a woman under any circumstance and I can report to you that I haven’t.


Did my dad consider the affect of him beating my mother would have on us? Was he teaching his sons that kicking a woman’s ass was okay? Did he think about his relationship with his children and how we would now view him? Did he ever imagine a day when his children would grow up and want to kick his ass or have nothing to do with him?


There was nothing more hurtful in my childhood than seeing my father beat my mother! The damage was so deep and scarring. He created a rift and a gulf between himself and his children that was never fully repaired. And to add insult to injury, when I grew up and confronted daddy, he blew it off, as though they had a loving relationship with "minor" incidences here and there.


Men that beat women are the lowest form of males. Yea, they are not men at all, but rather boys with big dicks and little gray-matter (brains). When a man beats a woman he is telling himself first—and the woman secondly—that he can no longer contend with her in a debate or argument—that he doesn’t have the acumen (keenness of perception) to cogently deconstruct a woman’s point-of-view—that her logic, rhetoric and oratory are beating all hell out of him. He is admitting that she is smarter. He is conceding his loss to her superior understanding of a given issue. The only recourse left for the man: Pull out his “Physical Card,” which has won him many battles—in the street and in other failed relationships with women.


The Universe created men to be physically stronger than women. (For you feminists who might take exception to this statement—when chicks start knocking dudes out with one-hitter-quitters and dunking becomes the norm [and not the exception] in the WNBA—holla back!) Men know they are physically stronger than women. Instead of using their strength for righteous means, some men only use their muscle-power when it comes to kicking a woman’s ass.


I mean, how can you physically hurt something you supposedly love? When a man punches a woman—disfigures a woman’s face, how does he reconcile that in his mind? I would guess he thinks to himself, “You deserved it” or “You shouldn’t talk to me like that” or “You shouldn’t have disrespected me.” How-ever his mind fixes it up—he forgets or chooses to ignore the fact that all of the things he’s accusing her of—he did it to her! And ultimately, the most disrespectful thing—“putting them paws” on her (as Lil Scrappy would say.)


A man capable of hitting a woman is “bitch-made” (no affront on women)—meaning, overly emotional, easily swayed, given to physicality, and of low moral character. Men that beat women justify their ignorant ways citing, “she had it coming”—“she pushed my buttons”—“she started it.” These guys have all the justifications to hide the fact that they are incapable of controlling themselves.


Beating on women is just a continued cycle of grown-up bullying.


Whether they learned this behavior from their father or just grew up to be a serial woman-beater, there is no excuse for their actions. If I had it my way, all women-beaters would have to get in a ring with three of the baddest dudes ever and prove themselves. Furthermore, they would be forever stripped of the right to have sex with a woman.


We are living in a day and age where many of these young (hip-hop) heads think its okay to put hands on a woman. Increasingly, young men are pounding out women for the smallest of infractions. Its all over the Internet! It's time for an example to be made of these bitch-made, pussy-ass, women-beaters. Men that beat women--ya'll some sucka-ass suckas!


There is no reasonable justification for men beating women outside of self-defense, and even then, most men could easily disarm a woman and get away from the physicality of the situation.


Women must find the strength to leave an abusive relationship. Sometimes it is the hardest thing to do. Time has been invested, children have to be raised and property must be settled. It isn't easy! Sadly, some women think that one ass-whipping was an aberration. They justify it; "He's really not like that! I pushed him! I made him mad! It's my fault." NO! The first ass-whipping is not the last ass-whipping--if you choose to stay. If a man gets away with beating on you he internalizes that. The devil on his shoulder whispers in his ear, "You got this bitch! She ain't goin' nowhere! She loves your dirty drawhs!" If you don't throw hot grits on him the first time he hits you--it's a rap!


The answer to the woman-beater is to leave! If he hits you, its a safe assumption that you weren't the first woman he's hit. Get out and save your life and the lives of your children! No man is worth exposing your children to watching you get your ass beat! And if you choose to stay in that kind of relationship--give your kids to someone in a loving situation where they are free of grown-folk ignorance. Consider the statistics:


  • Each day .....4 women die as a result of abuse.
  • Each day .....3 children die as a result of  abuse.
  • According to the U.S. Surgeon General, domestic  violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the United States.
  • The U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 95%  of the victims of domestic violence are women.
  • A woman is beaten every 15  seconds in the United States.
  • A  child's exposure to the father abusing the mother is the strongest risk factor  for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.
  • In  1996, among all female murder victims in the U.S.,  30% were slain by their husbands or boyfriends
  • On  average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in  this country every day.

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