Hip-hop/Spirituality/Freethinking. Speaking for all underdogs!
If I Were a Sugar-Daddy!
By Khalil Amani
I was listening to T.I.’s old song, “Whatever You Like” and his lyrics got me to thinking about being a Sugar-Daddy, since I’m at that Sugar-Daddy-ish age, being *Three-Score years old. (*A “Score” is 20 years) 60! A “Sugar-Daddy” is an old single guy who’s still on a pussy hunt—an old-head who’s willing to pay a woman to be in her company—an old nigga who stays paying a woman’s rent, food, pampers, water bill, light bill, and buys her clothes so she can go clubbin’ to find herself a younger nigga. A Sugar-Daddy will bring his young piece around his old-ass friends so that he can brag about his “pimp-game” and remind them how young pussy tastes, even though, in a lot of cases, she’s trickin’ him with massages, pats on the ass and kisses on the forehead and givin’ up no parts of the poonanny. But! …the Sugar-Daddy has one thing on his side—money—financial stability!
(That's me in the middle. Old-schoolin' it in da club)
I never wanted to be your stereotypical old man in the club, stalking the hell outta some young hottie, in my quest to relive my youthful days of poontang hunting, but believe it or not, when I do go to a club, I'm always getting sharp looks from young women my daughter's age. I think they see a Sugar-Daddy coming, but it ain't happenin'. Believe it or not, pre-Covid-19... when the clubs were open and poppin'... at 59 years old, I'd be in the club and spy (see) some young 20-something year old hottie eye-fucking the hell out of me--some ocular love-making on the low-low! Yeah! The old man still has it! What 60-year old great-grandfather you know wears skinny jeans and looks this good?
But if I were single and had T.I. money (fuck that! 50 Cent money... or Jay-Z money!), I’d fully embrace my Sugar-Daddy status and tell a sista/trick/scank/skeezer/slut/hoe/gold-digger/jump-off straight-up, “Look! I know you’re only with my old fat ass because I’m rich, so let’s keep it 100! I wanna fuck you, your girlfriend, your girlfriend’s girlfriend and her mama! I wanna see you have hot lesbian sex with my other gold-diggin’ girlfriend, while I film it! In return for pleasuring an old man, I’ll pay your rent and take you on the occasional shopping spree. Deal? Deal! Now shave these gray hairs off my nut-sack!”
Eighteen (18) to eighty (80)... blind, cripple & crazy! That's right! At 60 years old with a shit-load of money I would be a proud self-professed "Sugar Daddy!" I'd put up a big-ass billboard sign along the busiest intersection in the city and solicit young chicks to be part of my Sugar-Daddy harem! And when I'm banging these young chicks I'd make them tell me that they were using me for my money! I'd make them admit that they are fucking me simply because my pockets are fat! It would be some flip-da-script-type ghetto psychology whereby these young chicks will be scratching their heads that I'm accepting my role as a walking ATM! I want full disclosure! I don't even want them thinking that I think I'm banging them on the strength of my good looks and big cock! They want the money and I want the honey! "Fair exchange is no robbery!" In other words, an exchange of two equal things of value (sex & money) is a reasonable and honest trade.
But knowing me... my personality... my wit & humor... the way I will shower these chicks with gifts and traveling to exotic ports of call and most especially, and the way I put it down in the bedroom, I'll have many of these young chicks actually falling in-love with me and being repulsed by the idea that they are using me for my money. The way I fuck... the way I talk between the sheets... the way I make love will make some of those young chicks really wanna be my woman! Please believe me when I tell you that this Sugar-Daddy will not be monogamous! They're gonna have to accept being part of the team... and eat pussy as well as suck my dick!
So here’s T.I. fuckin’ with us old-heads, tallumbout, “You know them old Sugar-Daddy. They be trippin’. They tell them girls, ‘You can have whatever you like’!” Funny thing is, he goes right into singing, “Treat you so special… Patron on ice… drop a couple of stacks… gas up the jet… ain’t trickin’ if you got it… you want it, I got it…I want your body, need your body… You can have whatever you like!” Classic Sugar-Daddyisms! And he ain’t even an old-head yet! T.I. sings about all the shyt he has and can do for a woman, and all he wants in return is her body? (i.e. da pussy!) Damn! You young hip-hop heads have lost it! What happened? Did we old-heads forget to teach our sons how to get the drawhs without paying for the price of admission for a ride that may or may not make our toes curl? (*I think I’ll call my son and make sure I’ve done my job right!)
Y’all young hip-hop heads lookin’ mighty Sugar-Daddy-ish—Sugar-Daddy-esque! Putting your financial portfolio on front-street and hoping these tricks come a-runnin’ like a mouse to cheese! Making it rain in da club! Fuck outta here! Now you’re a target, set up to get robbed by the goons in da club and get robbed by the gold-diggers in da club!
The old guy in the club is no longer the Sugar-Daddy! The new millennium Sugar-Daddy is the young head with a ghetto-knot in his pocket and a Mercedes sittin’ on twenties outside! Gone are the days when a brotha had to use oratorical skill (rapping) to finesse the ladies—gone are the days of ocular lovemaking (eye-fucking) and romance! Like 50 Cent rapped, “I let my whip talk for me!”
Yeah! Y'all got a new kinda young Sugar-Daddy these days!
When I was in my early ‘20s, I was broke-as-a-joke! I’d tell a woman in a minute, “I can’t give you nothin’ but hard dick & bubble gum and I’m fresh out of bubble gum!” The streets knew me by “Prince.” I was that brotha who was sharp-as-a-tack, suited & booted with $5.00 in my pocket! A sista better not ask me to buy her a drink! I’d have to give her the Royal Patrick Swayze—get “GHOST” on her ass! (That's a movie reference for you young'uns.) At 25, I was driving a 1967 Dodge Dart, which had been hand-painted (with a brush!) yellow with a black roof! A real fucking eye-sore with *Fred Flintstone brakes! (*I literally had to start braking—that is, let off the gas, press the brake pedal to the floor and listen for the wonderful sound of steel grinding on steel, three blocks before my stop!) I’d roll right up to the front door of Strawberries (a Miami hot-spot) like I was flossin’ a Mercedes and step my clean ass out! “What up Luke (Skyywalker)?”
We didn’t need a car sittin’ on them thangs, a bunch of platinum jewelry, and a rubber-banded knot. All we needed was a bath, a fresh suit, a nice pair of Georgio Brutini shoes, some Jheri-Curl activator, gas money, cover charge and a few sticks of Dentine!
Snoop Dogg had it right on his first album when he said, “Niggas be brown-nosin’ these hoes & shit! Takin’ bitches out to eat & shit! Spendin’ money on these hoes! You know what I’m sayin’? I treat a bitch like 7-Up—‘I never have, I never will!’ I tell a bitch like this! Bitch! You without me is like Harold Melvin without the Bluenotes—you’ll never go platinum!”
A bitch will get the white-lip and start frothing at the mouth before I offer a drink!
Until I found “Miss Right,” that was my mentality back then! I wasn’t havin’ it! I was looking for a Sugar-Mama—and I had one—ten years older than I who was a K-Mart manager! She used to bring me all kinds of goodies home from work! (lol!)
Your ‘20s are supposed to be about sexual experimentation, educational goals, finding a career and freedom to think outside the box—finding your Raison D’être (Reason for Being). So what’s with you young cats denying some of the choices you’ve made in your young life? If you were a drug dealer (Shawty Lo), then so be it! If you were a Correctional Officer (Ricky Rawss/Billy Bob), great! If you went on a dating show and were a stripper (The Game), that’s some fun shyt!
Y’all scurrrred to say you used to shake your ass for a dollar! Well guess what? I used to shake my ass for a dollar! I was an “exotic dancer”—a male “sckripper!”
I guess that’s why I don’t understand the whole young man Sugar-Daddy thing! Game! Ain’t no shame in male exotic dancing! I know you wanna portray a gangster image, but you’ve gotta admit, stripping got you more pussy than a lil’ bit!—married, single, engaged, in-a-relationship, MILF (Mother-I’d-Love-To-Fuck), rebound, I love my man pussy! Say I’m lyin’! And for you niggas that think strippers are a bunch of gay dudes, I stripped for five years and I ain’t never met a “gay stripper,” but that’s cool to think that ‘cause I fucked hella girlfriends (without any repercussions from boyfriends) and sent them home to their “man.” (lol) I enjoyed my twenties! I had hella fun with my two live-in girlfriends (who were strippers too!) Here’s a picture of me (lol) and my three “bottom bitches.” Have a laugh at my expense! Wasn’t no shame in my game!
(A young Khalil "Prince" Amani as a stripper. And Yes! I was fuckin' all these women... together!)
I was a new-jack Rasputin, a paramour, a ghetto Ovid, the Song of Solomon and a boy-toy all rolled up into one piece of decadent black flesh! I did the stripping thing, but I also was a professional jazz dancer! Here's a picture of me in the local Miami newspaper doing my jazz thing.
Was it wrong that I used my dancing skills, my good looks, my nice physique and my elongated phallus (big dick!) to get money? Again, I just don’t get you young cats playing the Sugar-Daddy role when there are women that will gladly pay to be with YOU! And you don’t have to be a stripper to get at these jump-offs!
I see you! Y’all be Sugar-Daddying these young women! And then you wanna make fun of us old-head, old-school cats that still have an appetite for the finer things in life—a young chick with a nice round ass and some C-cup tatas. You oughta be thinking that there’s hope for your young ass when you get our age, ‘cause we’re still fuckin’. Stop trickin’ these women and give us our Sugar-Daddy role back! And stop actin’ like being “old” or “older” is a bad thing! Are you trying to leave a good-looking corpse? (Die young?) If not, then you too will one day have to deal with gray hair, wrinkles, and if you’re a single man who can still get it up, your own Sugar-Daddy ways! You better pray that you’ve got some cash! Shout-Out to all my niggas over 40, 50, and 60 who still keep it pimpin’!